Final Reflection Paper

Uzo Nwadugbo

Final Reflection Paper

Comm. 101C

December 19, 2012

            What a semester it’s been in this comm. 101C class! Throughout this semester my mind  have been opened to new ideas and way to look at everyday situations, something I have never gotten out of any class I’ve been in. One thing this class has really taught me about myself is that I can constantly look for ways to have better communication with people no matter the situation. I am a very social person and love to be around others; no matter where I’m at I always want to have a lasting, positive impression on others. So this class has taught me ways to kind of make that easier in a sense. For examples theories we’ve learned taught us how to gain a deeper relationship with others using various methods that help the other person open up. Or other theories that helped me analyze and deal with issues my girlfriend and I were having when it came time being spent with one another. In all aspects of my life when it comes to socializing and communicating with others, I felt this class helped improve them. I can honestly say this class was very helpful and rewarding, something I never thought I could get out of a class.

            Before taking this class and majoring in communications I really didn’t know what I wanted to do when it came to getting a degree in this field, this major kind of found me. Coming to college I was undeclared and didn’t know what I would major in and was leaning toward whatever major sounded good. It wasn’t until I sat down with a professor my freshman year that was very persistent in wanting to help me get through college and she asked me, “What are you good at besides basketball? Or what do you like to do?” My answer was simply, “I know I love to interact with people and I like talking.” That’s when she told me to just try and take a comm. class and see if I like it, and from there I can probably tell if that was what I wanted to major in. So after taking comm. 20 and 41 I decided to enroll as a communication major. Now after that point I was still a little lost as far as what I wanted to do, but that’s where this class has helped me.

            There are two important things this class has instilled in me in regards to what I want to do with this as a major; those two things are: communication is used everywhere and do what you love to do. When it comes to doing what you love that is something I learned from Dr. Terry. In just seeing the way he is as enthused as he is as he teaches us the course material and hoe bad he wants us to not only soak in the theories but be able to apply them to everyday life is an enjoyment I would only hope to have when it comes to a career. As far as learning communication is everywhere, that is something he taught us and something you can see from the theories we learned about. Every theory we learned about had the ability to be applied to every day scenarios, and that just showed me how communication is all around us. Theories like Muted Group Theory which basically talked about how groups in high power positions have a certain language thus, those in low power positions have to change there language in order to communicate but that communication fails because of the position there in. This was able to be applied to how men treat women in the workforce or sometimes in general. As a result of all this I realized what my ultimate goal was to do with this major, and that was landing a career as a sports analyst.

            Now when it comes to an experience that has influenced my interest in communications, only one comes to mind, and this experience happen to have happened in an argument with my girlfriend. In the beginning of this semester my girlfriend and I were experiencing problems when it came to spending time with each other. During an argument one day about this a theory came to mind that I decided to share with her that I thought would best explain the situation we were in; that theory was Relation Dialectics. Relational dialectics theory states that all personal relationships are always in flux. This statement suggest that in all relationship we have with others, there will always be this constant tug and pull of opposing views between the two in the relationship; and most importantly that it is normal. There are three dialectics in this theory: integration/separation, stability/change, and expression/nonexpression. Within each of these dialectics there are internal and external constraints; internal constraints have to do with the two people in the relationship in regards to how they feel, while external constraints are between the two in the relationship and everyone else in their outside community. Each of the two constraints also has two conflicting views that the members in the relationship may feel going through each phase. Now since my girlfriend felt we didn’t spend enough time with each other and I felt we needed space. I talked to her about the integration/separation dialectic. What I explained to her was that usually in a relationship when the issue of space comes up one partner feels that they need space away from the other, while the other partner may feel they don’t spend enough time together at all. Now the partner that feels that they need space is going through the separation phase of this dialectic. Separation is the feeling one gets in a personal relationship when they want to separate or exclude themselves from the relationship. Then on the other end of this dialectic there’s integration; this is the feeling of wanting to be more unified in the relationship, what the other partner was feeling. How I tend to look at it is somewhat of a “me vs. we” battle personal relationships go through. After explaining this to her I made sure to mention that this theory in all not only shows how we are constantly trying to balance two opposing ideas but, this struggle is a part of being in relationships. What this experience did to further my interest in communication was show me that what I was learning was not only sticking with me, but was also interesting and effective. So I knew with this major it would be able to not only help me get closer to obtaining a career, it can help me be a better overall person when it comes to interacting with other people.

            Now a combination of all the things I’ve learned and gone through this semester has made me feel that as a communication scholar I will be able to better understand issues or problems people go through with one another. I feel what I’ve learned has been very useful and in a sense I’m “equipped with tools” that can be used when trying to communicate with other no matter where I may be. This by far was one of the most helpful classes I have ever taken. It was enjoyable and entertaining when it came to learning about the theories of the course of this semester. Hopefully with the skills I gained from this class I can continue to grow with this major; not only when it comes to gaining a career and a degree, but also and probably most importantly as a person.

                                                                                                    

Relational Dialectics

             Over the course the semester we had the chance to do a communication analysis. This was where we were to look at an object and use a communication theory of our choosing, and use that theory to see something we wouldn’t see in that object without it. The theory I decided to go with was Relational Dialectics. Relational dialectics theory states that all personal relationships are always in flux. This statement suggest that in all relationship we have with others, there will always be this constant tug and pull of opposing views between the two in the relationship; and most importantly that it is normal. There are three dialectics in this theory: integration/separation, stability/change, and expression/nonexpression. Within each of these dialectics there are internal and external constraints; internal constraints have to do with the two people in the relationship in regards to how they feel, while external constraints are between the two in the relationship and everyone else in their outside community. Each of the two constraints also has two conflicting views that the members in the relationship may feel going through each phase. (Griffin, 2012)

            Now the first dialectic is integration and separation. When it comes to romantic relationships we’ve all been in or heard the “I need space” or “We don’t spend time together” arguments. This is where the first dialectic can help us look at these types of arguments and scenarios. Usually in a relationship when the issue of space comes up one partner feels that they need space away from the other, while the other partner may feel they don’t spend enough time together at all. Now the partner that feels that they need space is going through the separation phase of this dialectic. Separation is the feeling one gets in a personal relationship when they want to separate or exclude themselves from the relationship. Then on the other end of this dialectic there’s integration; this is the feeling of wanting to be more unified in the relationship, what the other partner was feeling. How I tend to look at it is somewhat of a “me vs. we” battle personal relationships go through. Now when it comes to the internal constraints for this dialect there’s connection and autonomy. Connection has to do with wanting the other member to “come here” are be more unified, while autonomy is the “go away” feeling one gets, or the feeling of not wanting to be so unified with the other person at this point (Baxter, 2004). The external constraints for this dialect are inclusion and seclusion; inclusion is when the two in the relationship take into consideration everyone else’s time with them, while seclusion is the time spent just with themselves or in other words “we time”.

            The next dialectic this theory talks about is stability and change, something very important when it comes to romantic relationships. Now each part of this dialectic kind of speaks for itself. When it comes to personal relationships this theory simply states that in a relationship one person, and at certain time or point, will want things to be stable, while the other wants a little spontaneity, and vice versa. For example, it’s like if you were to always take your significant other out to eat at his or her favorite restaurant. For some time it may be cute and thoughtful, but at some point it may get boring to them and they may want to try something different. The internal constraints for this dialectic are certainty and uncertainty, this just means that between the two in the relationship there’s a want for things to be routine when it comes to certainty, and a little spontaneous in regards to uncertainty. However, the external constraints for this dialect are conventional and uniqueness. Conventional relates to how the two in the relationship want to blend in with others, or be normal; while uniqueness is the desire to standout amongst everyone outside of the relationship. (Griffin, 2012)

            The final dialectic in this theory is expression and nonexpression. In this dialectic expression is when one person in the relationship is comfortable or able to express themselves; while nonexpression is simply when the other doesn’t express themselves enough, and these are where issues can erupt and occur (Baxter, 2004). In many romantic relationships there is usually one partner that is more open than the other in many ways. It can go from emotional feelings to personal experiences, not everyone is willing to be as open as the person they're in a relationship with. I feel this dialectic is trying to convey that in our personal relationships there will be times “walls are built” between people, and times we open up a part of ourselves to people that we normally wouldn’t share. When it comes to the internal and external constraints for this dialect there is: openness and closeness, and inclusion and seclusion. Openness is when we can share everything with the person we are in a relationship with, while closeness is not sharing everything with that person; both of these are internal constraints. The external constraints are inclusion in which we share things in the relationship with others, and seclusion where things are kept for others outside of the relationship.

            See, in conclusion, this theory gives us the opportunity to look at these episodes people may go through being in a romantic relationships in another light. Without relational dialectics these scenarios look like issues or problems that can be detrimental to the relationship. What this theory is in turn trying to say is that it’s always a constant struggle to balance the two opposing ideas in each dialectic. But not only are we constantly trying to balance the two, this struggle is a part of being in personal relationships. The theory gives us a chance to take a step back and understand that these are the dynamics of the personal relationships we take part in on a daily basis. That’s what beautiful about applying theories to communication; they let us look at the way we communicate to help better understand why we do the things we do, how they affect those around us, and how to better the way we communicate with each other in certain circumstances. 

Journey Through Communications

Coming into college like most young adults, I really didn't know what to do with myself. My whole life I've just went to school and player basketball, and now that I am at San Jose state it's kind of a wake up call! Now I realize one, life doesn't revolve around just basketball and two, I'm growing up and sooner than later I'll be in the workforce and the skills I gain in college somewhat determines where I go in the future. Now i say this because now even though I'm a communications major, something I am very proud and content with, I still feel a little lost. My fear is after I get my degree, "what's next"? Do I go to graduate school? If so, after graduate school what will I hope to do with my degree? So when looking at the comm map or communication as a major, I really don't know where I see myself. But you see, even though I fear for what may be next as far as schooling and getting a career, I get a chance to kind a relax when I look back at how I go to the point I'm at today.
I came to college lost not knowing what to major in; but through advising help with the ASPIRE program I'm apart of and classes and instructors that helped me along the way I found that communications was the perfect major for me. Also as lost of fearful as I may be of what the future holds for me, I am happy and content with my progress and where I stand at San Jose State. That's the funny thing about life, you kind of gotta roll with the punches. Things get thrown your way and you may end up in unfamiliar territories, but I feel with focus and hard work things will find a way to work out for themselves.